Poundage

Good news. On a whim, I stepped onto the scale this morning. This is something that I tend to stay away from recently, after dropping down to this weight within weeks of giving birth and then...NOTHING. Stuck. Wedged in between progress and pregnancy for about six months.

But, I've been keeping my net calories at 1500 every day (woot!) and lost 3 pounds. Not much to write home about, but it's a start. My overall weight loss goal is 35 pounds (holy crap), so this is just a start. BUT IT'S DEFINITELY A START.

The Y membership has been great, but I have learned that I am m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e about getting out of bed early for a class. No excuse...just lazy. I want to get better at it because I love the classes and how I feel the rest of the day and it's much easier on Michael when I'm gone in the mornings. Last week was more of a challenge with traveling to CT for a wedding, but really...no excuses buddy.

Tomorrow is another spin class and then Obi's first swim class!! She is such a little fish and loves the water, so we're excited to get her started early in the pool. I'm convinced she has her father's "no fear" spirit (ok, maybe a little of mine) and I don't want her to ever feel afraid of anything.

In the mean time, I want to get in touch with a nutritionist to tweak my diet a bit. I heard something yesterday about protein being bad for diabetics and never was able to find conclusive evidence, but it reminded me that I might be sabotaging this whole process without realizing it. Last night, I had a big bowl of strawberries before bed. Didn't think a thing about it. This morning's sugar level? Too high. 126, which is almost 20 points higher than my typical and 30+ points higher than ideal. Time to talk to the experts!

Stats:
Pounds lost: 3
Minutes exercised (last 7 days): 40
Average fasting sugars: 115
Meds: Metformin 1000 bid

SPINNING

I did it. I finally got the nerve up to make my way into one of those intense looking, completely intimidating, sweat filled spinning rooms. Huzzah!

I've totally been intimidated by it, especially knowing how much fitness I've lost and how ridiculously exposed I would feel if I failed miserably. But I cannot deny the calorie burn (450 in 45 minutes!!) and have a bathing suit to fit in next month and a bridesmaid dress to fit into in October.

Time. To. Burn.

I showed up a little early, grabbed my bike, and started warming up. The class filled up quickly, even though it was at the butt crack of dawn. (I woke up at 5 to just get there on time!) (Although, to be honest, I wake up at 5:30 every day anyway, so this wasn't a stretch.) Thankfully, tons of people were using the sneaker/cage approach like me. I forgot a towel, but remembered a water bottle.

What surprised me was that it WAS hard, but it WASN'T impossible. I feel absolutely great right now (since the doms hasn't set in yet). Spin class + Starbucks Triple Venti is doing just the trick.

Now...must work...

(ps -- there was a guy there wearing a trucker hat. kid you not.)

Progress

A week of the old me.

Finally. (Gasp sigh.)

I finally followed through with the build up of best intentions and got off my pile of excuses and moved. Of course, it was inchworm slow, but it felt so...well, me. Thank goodness. Awkward, aching, squishy me is not fun to take on a run.

This week I:

1. Talked over the finances of a gym membership with the hubby and we decided it was worth the investment.
2. Signed up for a family membership at the local Y
3. Ran a little (10r/10w/10r) on Tuesday
4. Ran a little more (15r/5w/15r/5w) on Thursday
5. And ran a little more (10r/5w/10r/5w/10r/5w) on Sunday with my new training partner -- Olivia in a running stroller*
6. Spent a solid hour swinging a pick ax in the back yard to plant two crepe myrtles
7. Indulged in many walks
8. Cooked healthy, clean food, and
9. Tracked my sugars, calories, and exercise daily

Last week I:

1. Did nothing.

So...you see the considerable improvement. And I feel better. Of course better in my body, but more in my head. I missed the "me" that wakes up and has a bag packed for exercise. I miss allowing myself to be a priority and not an afterthought.

Earlier this month I declared July the Month of Me. I cut bangs in my hair, waxed my brows, ordered a swim suit that actually fits, put in for vacation days, brushed off my healthier recipe collection, joined a gym, and started running again. It feels great to shed my own presumptions about what I am worth.

It's only the 10th, so clearly this is going to be an excellent month.

* Harder, more fantastic, addictive, empowering, and simply fabulous. We shall be doing this more often, indeed. I will also write about how much monkey butt it sucks to add another 25 pounds to my running impression of a fast walk.

Rocky

Well this has been a rocky start.

Reeling from a pretty major personal situation that has left me scrambling to find my footing, much less resolve to start this process. It's been a couple of days I've just struggled to not walk out of my job and go home and pull the covers over my head. Sounds melodramatic and, for once, it really was.

Bygones.

Decided that accountability is the best way to skin this cat, so I'm signing up (again) for Livestrong, but this time I'm doing the diabetic version. It's important, at this point, to include my sugars in this whole daily calculation. Now that I'm on Metformin, it would be good to manage this more through diet. I did it well when I was pregnant, time to do it again.

So. Day 1. Logging begins and exercise clothes are on in the off chance that I can squeeze a run out of this First Father's Day.

Onward.

Beginnings

Tonight, while eating a quesadilla of melted cheese and a dash of self loathing, I uploaded pictures off of my husband's camera. At some point in the last week, he had taken creepy stalker like pictures of me playing with our daughter on the back porch. Unbeknownst to me, he was snapping mommydaughter moments while Olivia and I read from her squishy fabric book in the sunshine.

He's a sweet guy like that, but it's hard to duck out of a frame or suck in the belly or lift the chin when you don't know the camera is there. So there it was -- my unsuckedin reality.

I swallowed the cheesy bit hard and realized that what I saw in my minds eye of my "post baby body" was a far cry from what was actually going on below the neckline.

I've committed and recommitted to get serious about losing the pounds and getting back to my old self but something kept getting in the way. Pelvis aching, plantar faciitus, evening appointments, travel, migraines, working late...even now, typing them all out, they sound a lot like excuses. Somewhere along the line I got wrapped up in excuses and lost my fire. I had a fire once about this, but now it's lost under a dusty gym bag gasping for breath.

So.

I believe in punctuated evolution. I remember learning about it in school and it stuck with me and seems to describe me pretty well. I gradually adapt and change to daily stressors and demands over time, but my greatest moments of learning and change has occurred in great periods of forced evolution.

I'm sensing I'm due for one now.

Sadly, not a lot of room remains for cheesy dinners of convenience or the lonely gym bag. I know what I need to commit to because I have done it before. Every day offering myself my best efforts to match my best intentions. This time will be more interesting with Baby Olivia in tow, but I have faith in the power of change.